A piece of life that I may pine for long

It isnt everyday that I am left home alone.
Maybe some days but it was the night that I yearned to be alone.
The night covers and reveals my inner soul, seek I.

My family were off to Batam to visit my uncle and the new nephew that I have not even come face to face with.
Yes,in case you do not know. I am a half indonesian too.

Don't buy that, I'm kidding.
No doubt my mum does comes from Batam.
The blood heritage is a bluff.

Anyway that leaves me home with solitude.
I dont exactly enjoy loneliness all time but never take it away from me. I may just holler at you.

Spent a boring day at work.
Packed Subway for dinner.
Reached home just before the rain starts their dance.
Took a warm bath.
Rain started. Closed the windows.On the TV.Warmed the sandwich.

On the PC.Insert the CD.
Sentimientos, the enchanting melody for the night.

I read what I blogged a year back on Dec 2004.
Was startled.Was surprised.
Few souls that I know of visited here.
Maybe they once did,maybe they dont anymore.
Fewer souls that I DO NOT know bumped onto here.
I did have like 2 or 3 flattering comments from strangers before.
Oh, beautiful strangers. They are the ones that I will never see and they are as beautiful as uncertainty in life.

A year back,I must be listening to Sentimientos while I blogged.
And one young beautiful stranger who can played piano,I guess, leave me with this:

hi! just dropped by your blog.
Ur very expressive and im quite impressed actually.
I totally agree dat Sentimientos really swayed the heart....J
uz a suggestion...why not put up dat song in your blog?
If you want u can visit mine at *I deleted this*

My blog aint used for publicizing as mine isnt.
Had a very quick glance at her blog.
Is she one lucky kid?I guess noone can be luckier or luckiest at any point of time.But she does have a charmed life?
At least better than mine, though mine isnt jinxed.

Expressive?
Am I?
I am never too good in articulating. Not at least on my inner thoughts and no one shall violate that.
I am the solitaire princess inside.
Cool and cold.Strong and prideful. Independent and lonely.
I never say I wanna change a thing about the way I am, no matter how scared I can be of myself sometimes.

I am emerald and I am stone.
What lies beneath is my vibrant imaginations that can paint black to gold to hybrid!
I can look into a couple infront and draw stories of all sorts.
I can just close my eyes and bring myself to another world.
I am not schizo or psycho.
I am just beautiful.
Ha..blah!
I am just someone more sensual.

Sadly noone close to me can match my sensuality.
Thus they dunno how to feed my emotions,how to come in to my world,how to dance with me.

By far,I do only reckon one beautiful mind but we dont come to each other world.

I beg to differ when people who thinks that they can write sad "poems" about their worlds are sensual.
They are rubbish!
They are just bunch of depressionalist peanuts.
Dont level them up with me.
I am far ahead,for I think I am and I dont care what you think then.

A year back,I was the lost soul whose self-deemed scalawag.
A year later, I didnt marched that far.
But I become this hungry soul who wants a different life, who cant have it and then wants to outdo what fate decreeds.

Look!
I think I could live by myself if I were given an apartment of my own.
Sure expenses could be even more but what makes you think I cant when I can now afford the things that I gave?(I'm not just talking about that Bonia bag.)
A year or two later, I want a better job.
I want an upgrade of certificates.
I want a life that brings me to another league & another league.

Then I know I wanna cry.

But it's too late for tears for time had cross me to another league.
I couldnt sit here and wait till I'm 30 and then cry for the wasted time.

For all that I seek is just a soul of empathy that matches mine.

But where is it?

Expressive?

Non,mademoiselle.

It is just rants.
Whether or not it is heard.